Breaking Point

Today, I had a little bit of an epiphany. Or maybe it was a realisation. Maybe it wasn't even that. It might've just been a blockage in my brain breaking - finally! But through all my life, I've rarely had questions. I spoke very little to those I didn't know, and asked even fewer questions - which is saying something.
So today, walking back from the Subway, I had my little "breaking" moment. For some people it's early in life, others later. Mine seemed to have been early. At least, the first part of it. I'm not naive enough to believe that people aren't constantly changing. I've got proof they do. But back to the point.
I was walking down the sidewalk, listening to Fire Escape by Civil Twilight, and I looked up at the sun, and it was just like I cracked. Or burst, or melted. A little bit of everything.
Then I had questions and thoughts and philosophies and crazy, mad ideas, all racing through my head stomping on my temples. It was a physical wave crashing through my brain.
To top it off, I felt my creativeness finally decide to rear its head. As I was passing by one of the "Serenity Homes" houses (think red brick, grey stone, ugly, too big, and freshly built), I glanced across the street when I heard that screeching sound that comes from a table saw.
And I saw the most glorious, beautiful thing, tied with the sun today.
The inside of the garage, furthest from the saw, was lightly shadowed with grey concrete walls. The closer to the saw, the darker the room got. Until, just around the table, it was pitch black, cast in shadows, so I couldn't make out any details.
Then out of nowhere, a shower, blazing and brilliant, shot up and out towards the far wall. I caught it on the side, seeing the sparks flash out like a wave of fire. The sparks were bright, burning orange, shooting out in every direction, but somehow all magnetized together in a giant, sporadic group. I couldn't see what was being cut, only the white fire caused by the blade cutting so quickly.
It looked like water, if only water was made of a thousand tiny droplets of fire.

When I finally got home, my sister was there, and I had to tell her my story of the sun and my "epiphany" type thing. But talking to my sister, I'm extremely animated and stupid sounding, so it came out a little less philosophical and a little more crazy.
It went like this:
"LA WEEN! Guess what? So you know how I like never talk? And I never ask questions, really? At least, to people I don't know and in class and all that? Well, today, I was walking just before, and I looked at the sun, and I was like *huOOOOOOOOOOuh* (intense gasping). AND I HAD QUESTIONS! It was so WEIRD, Ween! Wee-yard! I'm not kidding!"

Thought I was joking about sounding crazy? Yeah, not really.
And since everyone needs to listen to the song I was listening to, ESPECIALLY the part that's all "I wanna FEEL SOMETHIIIINNNGG!" - it's the part I listen to over and over again. It's absolutely perfect for me. And it fits what happened to my brain dam today.

Have you ever had a "breaking" moment? Do you talk differently to different people? Do you think everyone does that? Talk differently depending on who you're talking to?
Ciao, and Bye. from "La Ween"

Nymphets and Guys with Twilight

So, as usual, one of my various weekly traditions features going to Chapters/Indigo bookstore on Sunday nights for two hours of glorious Starbucks hot chocolate and book browsing. This week, though, it turned out a little different.
If you've read in my previous blog entry "My Missed Connection", I have had few encounters with the opposite sex, and the ones I did have I either want to block from my memory (LR and SF), or have had no outcome (MoMA). Tonight, however, things turned out differently.
Though I wouldn't consider this guy to meet up to my regular standards, he did have the guts to ask me out and for my number - the first - so I'll give him that. And considered my saying "No" to disappearing from the store with him was because I already had a boyfriend. Who'd have thought?!
It was like this:
There I am, crouching down looking at a book from the bottom shelf when I hear a cough and "Excuse me" coming from behind me. Looking up, I turn my attention away from the book in my hands and to the two teenage guys standing behind me in the aisle.
"Uh, yes?" I see the one closer to me holding a copy of Twilight. I cringe trying not to let my distaste show on my face.
He speaks up, "Yeah, uh, I was wondering if you could help me with a book similar to this?"
Thinking he has mistaken me for an employee - which I would have LOVED to be - I was debating between following through as an unofficial employee or just saying I had no idea what to recommend. I went with the honest answer.
"Sorry, I'm probably not the person you should ask."
I watched as he fumbled around with the book while muttering about me being a "girl" and how he needed such a girl's opinion to help him.
"No, really. I'm not big on the vampire-fetish thing going on lately."
Finally, he let the book drop to his side.
"Look - this is going to sound really corny. Cheesy, actually. But, um, this was . . . I really just wanted something so I could talk to you."
I swear I stood there like a deer in headlights. A guy. A teenage, GUY, actually wanted to talk to ME? Me? Who at seventeen years, has never, not once, been kissed, let alone asked on a date?
Then my mouth kicked in. "Oh, uh, really?" Not my best, but I was in shock!
"Yeah. Uh, that sounds really cheesy. Damn, I'm not sure how to do this - but, uh, well, here. I'm Sam."
He held his hand out for me to shake, I grabbed it while stating my name. His shake was loose, but he was polite compared to most. So I forgave him for it.
"Yeah, you see, I wanted to uh, ask if you wanted to go someplace with me now? Or sometime? But now, maybe."
Shit! What do I say to that? "Oh! Um. Actually I'm not here by myself. I'm here with my mum and sister - that sounds kind of bad. I just mean, I can't up and leave right now."
It was at this point that I noticed him looking at the floor - and how often he had been since he spoke to me. Can't blame him for it, I'd be at the same state of nervousness if I was him. "Well, that's fine. That's - can I get your number, then?"
"Oh. Oh! Yeah, sure!" Pulling my phone from my purse with few - but enough - stumbling, I opened it up and programmed his number in. Then I gave him mine, after making sure I spelled his name right and he mine.
"Okay, so I'll text you sometime."
I responded with a smile and a "Sure."
His friend started to move forward, walking up and passing behind me. Noticing the cue to leave, Sam walked up to me, one arm out. "Can I have a hug?"
Sort of awkward, and sort of unsure, I walked a step towards him, and wrapped an arm around his back, leaning in for a quick second.
Pulling back quickly, I sent a last smile and a goodbye.

So, what are your stories from the first time you were asked out? Anyone else have an awkward encounter? How about a romantic one? Were you expecting it?

Moving on to other things, my friend from grade school who moved away but I still talk to, introduced me to a new song. I know the artist, Lana Del Rey, love her song "Video Games". But this song was new. It's sort of rap, sort of indie, sort of romantic. The first time I listened to it, I honestly wasn't going to listen to it a second time. But then, I couldn't get the chorus out of my head, and with me, I always listen to the songs I get stuck in my head as a way to get them out. So I did that, and the song just stuck.
Not only that, but it's like a direct play on Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov. If the plot of Lolita was modernized a little to mix a young woman - not nymphet - with a "Sugar Daddy", it would be this song.
And, she uses the line "Light of my life, fire of my loins" various times through the song, a direct reference to the book. It's one of those things that grows on you. I'll give it to you to listen for a minute. After the first round, give it a day to settle and come back - it settles inside and doesn't let you give up. I assure you.

For now, enjoy the song, perhaps pick-up Lolita as a companion - reading that book is like taking a dive in melted candy, language and Lolita both. And what's your first date story?